What I Want.... Thats a Question

I think what I want is to know what exactly what I want. I'm tired of everytime someone asks me what is that I want to do in life, my answer is 'I don't know'. At the end of this year if everything goes exactly as planned, I will be a certified nurses assistant and i will have spent maybe fifty dollars between all the classes. I love the fact that I have the chance to say this and know that there is a really high probablity that everything will work out as planned; i just don't know if it's what I want. :/ Who knows what I'll do with my life, maybe I'll just take a year or two and join the Peace Corps; who knows at all any more.

Senior Year

Summers over and schools back... I guess that's a good thing in a way. This summer I spent with friends, at work, traveling and just sitting around or sleeping. All and all it was great.

So when people ask me how my summer vacation was I can say:

I made a new friend
I saw the ocean for the first time
I went to a baby shower
I laughed
I had fun
I went to Evansville
I shopped
I talked
I walked
I swam
I watched fire works
I had a great time.... I just wish that it didn't have to be over just yet.

Senior year here we come, fresh out of the sun.

It's Complicated

If you must know life is too complicated to understand what is coming next, to complicated to ever be prepared. Far to complicated to ever have any idea of right and wrong. Much to complicated to get a grip on any kind of reality beyond this moment. More complicated then a map of a foreign city missing a compass and a scale. Eons more complicated then any trivial act of reading and understanding every word of the United States Constitution or the original Old Testament. Life is uber more complicated then anything that one may encounter in daily life. So, why don't we just sit back and tell each other about it.

Yield Right Of Way

I've been guilty of not letting go of a moment, a memory when I am nothing but right. Moments when time would have been better spent gracefully forgetting the discussion entirely and moving on with the day. Sometimes people have to give up the fight that they know is true and right for something bigger, another person's feelings. This acknowledgement of another individual shows a level of caring that means way more than any justification one could recieve from being right. Sometimes the only way to truely show that you care for someone other than yourself is to yeild the right of way.

Ohhh Mother

I came home after work on Sunday night and my mom was watching the news and getting ready for bed, she looked like she was excited and like she had news to tell but was deciding whether or not to say it out loud. She finally started to tell me that she had nominated me for some 'student of the week' thing on the Fox 7 news channel and that I had actually won. I busted out laughing and then she went on to say that it had been on the news earlier in the day and she hadn't been able to see it. "Somebody should have banged on the house!" is what she had to say about it.

What Would The World Be

If there was nothing to fear?

If every person in the world smiled together for just one minute?

If people slept for just one hour more everyday?

If there were more chances to see the sun set and rise?

If we could all just go?

If we could see the wonders and find our own?

If everyone knew their 'God' on a personal level?

If what we believed when we were young could still be true?

If summer lasted forever?

If people never wanted to lie?

If we had been raised differently?

If life had taught us differently?

What would the world be????

All the preparation you've done will finally pay off.

All the books that we would have loved,

All the homework that never really got done,

All the papers that could have been better,

All the hours that could be spent elsewhere,

All the laughs that marked everyday,

All the games that we loved to play,

All the times that we won't remember,

All the friends and enemies,

All the teachers of all the classes,

All the days that turned into nights,

All the first and last days,

All the tests that were prayed over,

All the people that we didn't really know,

All the choices that we live through,

All the fun we let ourselves have,

All the chances that seemed small,

All the times we lost our voices yelling,

All the little joys we found,

All the realizations we'd like to forget,

All the times we had to be a grown up,

All the seconds that formed leaders,

All the seconds that formed failures,

All the seconds that formed futures,

Are all just memories now,

All just part of the times before,

All part of the life before graduation,

All part of the preparation.

Love!

I didn't write this, but when I read it I wish I had:

Remember when you thought boys had cooties...when friends were new, dreams were un-shattered and worries few...when recess was too short and life was too long...decisions came easily without need to belong...when storks delivered the babies and passions weren't so strong...friendships were un-broken...right was right, and wrong was wrong...when bad things didn't happen...when only skinned knees brought tears and the night light in it's socket quieted all our fears...when farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part...the fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.

Twilight Zone

My weekend started out fine, I went to work on Friday and Saturday. I got off at 9 Saturday and went home. I took a shower and then the phone rang, it was my sister's friend's mom called to see if Rachel and my sister had gotten home OK. Here's the ketch, they weren't supposed to be at my house they were supposed to be at Rachel's house, or at least that was the other part of the lie. So at 10 o'clock at night I was on my way into town to meet up with my best friend Chelsea and Sydney and their friend Joey so that we could find them. We went to Legion park, English park, the parking garage, Jack C. Fisher, Malco, Fogel, the Plaza, anywhere and everywhere that any of us had ever been with anyone or had gone to hang out with people. All the time rain is coming down and phones are ringing and going dead. Then at 12 o'clock the cops get called and two state troopers get called out to the house to try and find the two delinquents. For two hours straight the men are going through my sister's cell phone, which she left at home, and calling everyone; waking them up at what is going on 2 am and asking if they had seen her. Well after all that, we finally find the two and again me and Chelsea have to go back to Legion to meet the girls because they refuse to tell the police where they have been. So we get there and have to wait for another hour because someone has finally come clean and told them everything. We all finally get home at 4 am and go to bed and everyone is mad, upset, and exhausted. Chelsea, Mom, and I wake up the next morning around 2. My sister is still sleeping off the night before in bed, and Chelsea and I are starving because we haven't eaten since 7:30 the day before.
So Chelsea and I decide to go into town and get something to eat before I have to be at work later in the day. Chelsea follows me into town in her car and I drive my SUV. We get to the intersection of HWY 56 and 81 right in front of Golfland and guess what, I wreck. Yep, that's right, after everything that had happened that night, and all the miles that I had driven, God picks that moment to show us how bad things really could be, I hope he finds it hilarious. So since all our phones were completely dead from the night before we had to flag people down, one can imagine how well that went. One car of four people waved right back at me and kept right on driving! After we finally did get someone to stop who had a phone we had to call yet another police officer and wait, in the rain, on the side of the rode, with people staring.
So need less to say I did not go into work on Sunday and after we finally did get my car out from under the fence, we went to McDonalds to get food, because we still had not eaten. I walked into Chelsea's house and went towards the kitchen to throw away my drink. I made not even two steps in before I was in the air then on the floor. It was such a slap in the face after everything that had happened all I could think to do was laugh, and I did laugh, I laughed and I cried and I laughed more. Then I remembered that my pants were probably going to be soaked from my coke and I started to look up and see what the damage was. It was standing up, perfectly straight in the air as if God himself had placed it there to say it was all in good fun! So, naturally, I started laughing again.

Hugs and Kisses

Everyone loves Herseys, its just something that is almost universal. But for the longest time I thought that they were all the same, a kiss is a kiss is a kiss. It took me years to find that my favorite kind of kiss was never even a kiss at all. It was a hug! Its weird how one can go through life never finding out such vital information.